Confessions of a Drug Smuggling Intern

Life can get pretty boring and monotonous you know. I was thinking one of these days what should I do to make my life a little more interesting. I could do what most catholic people do and start learning the guitar. But then I had another thought, “What if I start drug smuggling?”

This is my thought process, “If you learn guitar only one hour of your day is interesting, but if you smuggle drugs every second of every day is packed with action.” So, of course, I started smuggling drugs.
Now I don’t know how much you know of the drug smuggling business but they don’t post jobs on LinkedIn. Since I didn’t have any experience I thought I would start with an internship and then become a full-time employee at a drug smuggling firm.

I realized the best way to get a job in this market is by having contacts. So I called up my school friend who had an older brother working in ‘import and export’. But, he would never tell what he was importing or exporting. He promised to ask his brother if I can get a job interview with his boss.
I eventually got the interview the office was a old unused mill, which is really a dream for an intern. 

In the interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years.” I laughed and said, “I see myself shot dead.” They didn’t appreciate the joke. But they saw my sincerity and gave me the job. Also I was the only one who applied for the job there.
What I forgot was that interns will always remain interns. Most interns make tea, I had to make whiskey pegs. If anyone went and committed a crime I was the one who had to go and clean up.

I figured if I kept doing my work well and taking more responsibilities I could climb up the drug smuggling company ladder. So I went drug deals as a trainee. The police called me in every month for a performance review they called it interrogation. Neetu Singh Prem Singh one and the same thing.

Eventually that dedication paid off and the boss called me into his office. And I thought I was going to get paid but I was wrong. He put a gun on the table and said, “This is an unpaid internship.” I was upset, because I thought I was atleast going to get a stipend. Yet I couldn’t argue with a guy who had a gun on the table.

Now you might think my boss was cruel, because he was. He was wanted in 3 countries for heinous crimes. But he was a respected figure among drug smugglers. TIME magazine named him as 1 of the top 100 influential drug smugglers of all time.

He was also on the cover of Cocaine Weekly. I don’t know if you get that magazine. It used to be quarterly magazine but then people got addicted to so it they started printing one every week.

During our team bonding sessions the boos would motivate us saying, “You can do whatever you put your mind to.” and give us a briefcase full of different types of drugs. Long story short I started taking drugs because of work pressure and not peer pressure.

I guess I’m telling this story because, if you are ever bored of your life and thinking about learning a new hobby or getting into drug smuggling, you know what to choose.